disadvantages of being a second wife in polygamy
Method: Exploratory qualitative method was used. She was a nurse and divorce. 70% of those second marriages end in divorce. In Muslim families the textual basis is provided by the Holy Quran for the practice of polygamy: "Marry women of your choice two, or three, or four, but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them) then only one". Are self-compassionate partners less jealous? If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome the most challenging aspects of being married. 2008; 148(6): 745-764. PostedNovember 5, 2012 Cecilia says her husband married a second wife purely for his own physical desires and greed. Ethnology. Mrs. Tanveer (first wife) has accepted the co-wife relationship because to her religion has allowed the man for multiple wives. Polygamous women though claimed that polygamy has disadvantages but to them, divorce is not an option. "This evening I am with my wife a lone by my fire side for the first time for years," Young wrote in his diary in January 1842. In all the other cases of infertility, family pressure was the main factor despite childlessness (Table 1). The two new wives bullied my mother and called her names. She said, there was a time when I thought no one in the world was in my favor except God". The strength of the study is an attempt to seek the coping strategies of co-wives to deal with such relationships in the Pakistani context. In a home with more than one wife, what happens when problems arise? By marrying uBaba Ive not only gained an amazing husband and beautiful children Ive also gained a sister I wouldnt otherwise have had. Al-Krenawi A, Graham JR. A Comparison of family functioning, life, and marital satisfaction, and mental health of women in polygamous and monogamous marriages. Family Process. The findings of the study indicate that polygamy is a painful and bitter pill for most women to swallow. As of early 1842, Brigham Young was a contented monogamist. All are located in new apartment buildings in good neighborhoods; their total value is about $5 million. Mrs. Gulzar was another first/senior wife having three daughters. Mrs. Kamal reported "in the beginning when I thought about the second wife, I engaged myself in different activities because it always hurt me." You are a little older now, and you learned some harsh realities. 'I don't care about anything. Unless of great importance or a family-related event, we rarely attended the same social event together with our husband.. Lower risk that people get bored in a marriage. Her in-laws forced her husband to marry another female because of only female children. Theyre all equal and these two women are their mothers equally. There are many things about a divorced family that can be nontraditional, especially holidays. 2006;52(1); 5-17. Being a parent is hard enough; in reality. 2019; 86(3): 1332-1370. Al-Krenawi A, Slonim-Nevo V. Psychosocial and familial functioning of children from polygynous and monogamous families. Many young women might regard being a second wife better than remaining single. Al-Krenawi A, Graham JR. A comparison of family functioning, life, and marital satisfaction, and mental health of women in polygamous and monogamous marriages. Polygamy is the general, gender-neutral term for any marriage between three or more people.Polygyny is a specific term used to describe a marriage that includes one husband and at least two wives. She said, "I used to take care of my child and co-wife's as well". This practice of taking on another wife while still married to the first one is called polygamy, not to be confused with origami - which is the art of folding colored papers. I allowed and agreed to my husbands request for a co-wife to have more children. She also claimed that love with time is declined and she preferred to accept co-wife rather divorce to safe their marriage and secure her daughters future. Maybe it was because I didnt have anyone in mind when I approached her I wasnt cheating on my wife, Id never do that.. : A Liberal Case Against Polygamy. 2006; 45(3): 311330. The study was conducted in 2017 with approval from the institution and polygamous women. The first author analyzed the transcripts line by line, which was read repeatedly and thematically analyzed for their contents. Between birth and death: Female infanticide in nineteenth-century China. The majority of Muslims have accepted official polygamy. Not many people like a second wife. Judge Nenney says every week she hears cases where a couple is charged for having sex outside marriage. The 2 Most Psychologically Incisive Films of 2022, The Surprising Role of Empathy in Traumatic Bonding. Problematic: Polygamy can be problematic from a legal and religious way. But it's a hoax that has hit at least four countries to date . It is a very common experience that discriminative behaviour of the husbands and unequal treatment with their wives causes several mental health issues in polygamous families. Polygamy | Becoming A Second Wife | Accepting Other Wives 13,077 views May 15, 2020 154 Dislike Share Diaspora Ukhti 3.66K subscribers This is a survey only! The Review of Economic Studies. Consent i s the keyword. However, several limitations exist. That does not negate their significance to you and your partner (s), but the union will not be recognized by the law. I couldn't sleep properly, I was crying.'. Mrs. Arslan was the first wife of her husband. The sharia, Islamic family laws, and international human rights law: Examining the theory and practice of polygamy and talaq. But Im his last.. Some second wives may have unknowingly become #2 and had thought they were in monogamy, until the husband plucks up the courage to reveal they have . Table 3: Frequency of co-wives for religion faith, admit the fate role, and compromise as coping strategies in polygamous marriages (N=11). Eleven women participated in the study. Being a second wife and a stepmother is rather like learning to perfect a set of aerial maneuvers. The Advantages and Disadvantages of Polygamous Homes. They know what they want and work hard they dont just take the mans words as the Bible.. Some children may not accept a new mother or father figure, so instilling values or upholding rules with them may prove difficult. A new law that went into effect in Kenya this week makes it legal for a man to marry as many women as he wants. Bigamy occurs when one man illegally marries more than one woman. Jankowiak W, Sudakov M, Wilreker BC. Yet there are many other cultures that support a mans choice to take more than one wife and believe it is something that can benefit the women as well. Table 2: Frequency of co-wives for jealousy, unhappiness, loneliness and sharing household chores as consequences of polygamous marriages (N=11). Sometimes the first wifeis forced to accept it because of her own limited circumstances, and sometimes she declares war or leaves her husband." The study was an attempt to gain perspective about the causes of polygamy, its consequences, and the most important womens ways of coping strategies in polygamous marriages. The policymakers and law enforcement agencies should pass laws for the welfare of polygamous women. Lillian had twins Zakhele* and Zanele* (now 39), and thought she and her husband were happy. Relationships are hard, and if things go wrong, we get hurt. While in past empirical tests showed that children are strategic complements. So she said I always support my husband for equal treatment with all wives because this life is much better than the previous one." 5. Mrs. Abdullah also had a love marriage. I knew my family wouldnt approve of our marriage, but I was weak. But the current qualitative study is an attempt to fill the gaps that are left unexposed by survey-based or quantitative research and particularly to explore the positive consequences of polygamy and coping strategies which the polygamous women used to deal with co-wives relationships other than causes and disadvantages of co-wives. Khattak AK. You can cancel anytime and if you cancel within 14 days you won't be billed. Polyamory is not just about sex, both Farmer and Schippers point out, whereas open marriages, open relationships and swinging tend to emphasize the sexual parts of a relationship. Tabi MM, Doster C, Cheney T. A qualitative study of women in polygynous marriages. This can make for a challenging home life from day to day. She said, "Emotions change with priorities". She was the first wife of her husband and it was a happy arranged marriage. Invest in the future today. And what if one of the wives has a problem with the way her husband is treating her? You get easily insecure and offended as you feel that everything your spouse does revolve around his ex-wife and kids. No one does; no little girl longs to grow up and walk down the aisle to the strains of "Here Comes the Second Bride, All Dressed in an Ivory Suit." We have an ordinary life. All women were Muslims. She said," My husband helped me to survive emotionally and financially". Teyana Taylor and her husband can have threesomes if it works for Celeste Ntuli and Ayanda Borotho on their roles as sister-wives in Celeste Ntuli and Ayanda Borotho on their roles as sister-wives in Isibaya, After Criselda Dudumashe recently shared how her husband allegedly beat her up we thought we'd remind women how they can seek help. Treating me with the resentment of a union official watching a house being constructed with non-union labor, my erstwhile friend watched me build up and remodel my life. I wouldn't go through the same experience again," he says. There was a higher prevalence of somatization, depression, anxiety, hostility, paranoid ideation, psychoticism, general symptom severity, positive symptoms total, and psychiatric disorder, as well as lower ratings of life and marital satisfaction, family functioning, and self-esteem among polygamous wives [ 12 ]. Psychology Today 2023 Sussex Publishers, LLC, Psychology and the Mystery of the "Poisoned" Schoolgirls. They must be educated through different seminars and programs to cope with the stress and manage other consequences of polygamy. Outcomes of polygamous marriages were a second theme generated by evaluating the relationships of co-wives. Why is it higher the second time around? During the analysis, three major themes were identified; (1) reasons for polygamous marriages (2) Relationship with co-wives/ consequences of polygamous marriage, and (3) strategies to cope with the co-wifes relationship. In this case, I would prefer to keep my marriage to make sure my children have a bright future," she . The women of polygamous families shared their lived experiences of polygamy. Khazuyeva also has two parking spaces in an apartment building on Moscow's Mosfilmovskaya Street. Of importance is the need to disseminate the findings of studies like this one to those who are in a position to make change a reality. Every possibility seems available to them. For the majority of these women, infertility, love marriage by husband, lack of social and financial support, and fear of divorce were the cited reasons for allowing co-wives in their marriage. In the Muslim world, polygamy is acknowledged because it is supported and associated with religious doctrine as well as a fair and legal way of relationship. Prevalence of mental health problems in women in polygamous versus monogamous marriages: A systematic review and meta-analysis. Appointments were previously taken and the interviews were conducted at their places for their convenience. Following subthemes were included in these main theme categories. Love and (Polygamous) Marriage? Mrs. Kamran was the 2nd wife, working in a hospital. The second wife will have all of these extra people in her life that she never bargained for and it can be a lonely or isolating feeling. She was married to Mr. Imam due to family pressure when he had already a wife with 2 children. You know, its so sad because the new wives are also being treated horribly by my father but theyre too proud to talk to my mother because of the way they mistreated her.. Then I learned that marriages arent like cars, independent of the people in them, to be fixed according to an owner's manual. She also stated that "whenever I am depressed, I am used to saying my prayers and get relief because divorce is not an option for me." The newlyweds moved to Soweto where they started a family after Nomqondiso died. We have also learned of situations where a man is forced by his family to take a second wife because his parents disapprove of his first wife for any number of reasons (they didn't choose her, his mother no longer likes her, she's not the right nationality, ethnicity, skin tone, caste, race etc). Mediterranean Journal of Social Sciences. Al-Krenawi A, Graham JR, Ben-Shimol-Jacobsen S. Attitudes toward and reasons for polygamy differentiated by gender and age among Bedouin-Arabs of the Negev. In the beginning, females refused to share their partners but with time they accept it. The historic context was that men often died in battle . Many first marriages start with two young, giddy people, unfettered by the realities of life. The study is not against polygamy but the need to improve the family structure of polygamous families is a major concern. Limited-Time Deal on Marriage Course. Shed dropped out of school to help her sick grandmother, Nomqondiso, when Thamsanqa asked her for her hand in marriage. 2008; 42(2), 103-117. In the current study, co-wives reported several negative consequences of polygamy such as jealousy, lack of trust, unhappiness, loneliness, unequal financial division, and social privileges among the multiple wives those are consistent with previous studies conducted in UAE, Kuwait, Egypt, Jordan, the Gaza Strip, Arabs in Israel, Palestine, and Turkey which point out that the wives in polygamous marriages have reportedly more psychosocial, familial and economic problems compared to their counterparts from monogamous families [16-20]. Only 11 of the 26 women agreed to participate in the study. When men are taken out of the marriage market by war or by prison, women suffer. Current findings are in line in terms of infertile women who accepted co-wives rather than divorce but those having children never bother to admit or respect co-wives as one of female told she is living in a separate home. But by then, no one can picture you without that first friend. She does not have an apartment . In rare cases, men have carried on double lives, marrying two women and supporting two families, with neither wife knowing about the other. It just means that being a second wife comes with a lot of challenges along the way. disadvantages of being a second wife islam. The first theme was generated from the verbatim of the first question which was asked to polygamous women. 1.Why your spouse (husband) preferred 2nd or 3rd marriage? She has never absolved me from the sin of being happy. 2014; 8-10. For 14 free days, you can have access to a world of in-depth analyses, investigative journalism, top opinions and a range of features. Inmany countries all over the world, polygamy is not permitted by law and marrying multiple partners is simply not allowed. Yet we have to shake off the stigma attached to being The Second Wife and say, with a smile, Yes indeed, Im his second wife. In 1994, the Haryana Panchayati Raj Act disallowed people with more than two children from contesting local elections. Mrs. Gulzar who was 36 years first wife told as she came to know her husband has a hidden marriage with Miss Nasreen. A Tajik court found him guilty of polygamy and of driving her to suicide, but spared him a jail sentence and ordered him to pay a $1,300 fine. Polygyny, the marriage of a man and two or more women at the same time, includes an analogous sororal . According to Mrs. Abdullah (3rd wife: Amina), she and other wives are living in the same home and got along well. | She said "After it, my husband was not trustworthy for me anymore. When her husband refused, she said that she convinced and allowed her husband for second marriage. It's a common misconception that polygamy means one man married to multiple wives. But when a man marries for the second time he knows what he's getting into. Emerging broken, bruised and bleeding from a previous fall when the parachute didn't quite open, he is. She told when her husband introduced her to the other co-wives, in the beginning, they both cursed me but later they made a compromise and accepted her.